At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
