If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Randomize
