Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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