This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
