I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
