So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
