I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
