I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
