remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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