Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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