she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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