Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
