Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Randomize