That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
