felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
