I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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