Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Randomize
