this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
