One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
