Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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