Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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