This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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