yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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