I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
