We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
