are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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