I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
