all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
