Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
