I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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