I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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