Have you finally orgasmed yet?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
