Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
