i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
