Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
