went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
