It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
