then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize