Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
either way he was missing a nipple.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
