I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
