He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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