I'm so fucking centered right now
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
