Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
