I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
