; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
