Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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