Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
