Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I AM VODKA MAN
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
