It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
