I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
did i just pee glitter
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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