mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
