Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
