i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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