it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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