The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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