"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
