I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
