Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
