I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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