The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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