my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize