Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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