you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize