For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
