She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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