we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
