i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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