i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
