Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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