margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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