My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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