They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
