Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
