I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
