I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
