it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
