Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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