You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Apparently you make a good broom.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
