Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
