Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it glows. i had to have it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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