I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
