Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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