Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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