Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
