there was a trapeze. enough said
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
