Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
