dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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