I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
