She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize